#i would be in constant awe
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We're drawing the idiots with traditional clothing from our countries? hell yeah, here's stobotnik as Argentinian gauchos!
Plus a very normal and not at all unhinged rant about mate (the thing they're drinking) in the tags.
#stobotnik#agent stone#doctor ivo robotnik#sonic movie universe#took some liberties because i wanted to keep their colors but yeah#now hear me out i've got a little ramble about that little thing they're drinking#so that's mate#so what's that? it's basically a hot drink similar to a tea but drank in a very special way#made with the yerba mate plant (contains caffeine so perfect for robotnik)#now the way this work is you pass on that little container thing (also called mate because why the hell not)#to whoever many people there are there#but there's only one person pouring the mate#so it always returns to them before they refill it with water to give to the next person#drinking mate when it is your turn doesn't take more than a couple minutes since it's not that much water because the dried yerba mate is#there. the person pouring the water also changes the yerba or adds sugar as needed#when preparing the first mate the person pouring it has to drink it#it's polite because usually the first one tastes awful so you know they take one for the team#i think obviously stone would be the one pouring the mate but since it's a constant thing he can't just give it to rob and leave#he has to be there and actually drink himself to know when to change the yerba#so you know. community. it's a very social thing#BUT THAT'S NOT ALL#there's a sort of mate language at play here#we all know it but i've never seen anyone actually use it#thing is depending on how the mate is prepared it can mean things#like if it's cold it's a way to say get the hell out#if it's sweet it means i love you#if it's very hot it means the person serving it is angry etc#stone would so do that to be passive aggressive towards other people#rob is like wdym? stone's mates are always great#also obviously we don't see it that way but if you want to get silly about it they're indirectly kissing
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can we get a blurb of emile, in his head, having some sort of affection feelings for his wife? has that ever happened at all, even if he didn't show it or does he always go 🔪 whenever he looks at her?
If nothing else, Adonia is a comely female. There are moments when this fact strikes Emile so intensely that, for some time after, it colors all else about her, blush-pink, petal-soft. The flaws in her canvas fill in with delicate pigment, and she tricks him into forgetting that they exist at all.
Earlier in the eve, she turned her face away from him while he was speaking to her, as she tends to whenever she cannot keep it pleasant. The dark feathering of her lashes swept down, and the shadow they cast settled against the high of her cheeks. Her lower lip, full and plush, set to a wobble. A lovely red suffused her skin, then atop it, a tear wound its glittering path all the way down to the point of her chin.
Emile lost track of what he was saying at once.
In something of a trance, he reached for her. She went very still as he tipped her face up to his, and this made the second tear that fell all the more captivating. He had the urge to bend forth and press his mouth to her cheek, to brush the wet away on his lips, then his tongue. Finally discover how she might taste, if he were to follow its intended path down her throat, between her breasts, along her navel, into her cunt.
He imagined her salty, like her tears; he imagined her sweet, like the way she looked up at him.
Her eyes were big and round and silvery. There was a desperation in them. She wanted him the same way he wanted her in that moment—but then, Emile had always known that. He would have given it to her then, had their tardiness for the banquet not posed problem in the first place. His thoughts still painted over with her guile, he decided to do so once they retired to their chambers.
But the issue is that no matter how pretty a thing Adonia is, her flaws can never stay concealed beneath this veneer for very long.
Because she is a comely female, and she knows this.
Other males know this, too.
Emile watches her from over his cup, dinner near its end, the spice of the wine burning down into his filled belly.
That blush is back on her face as she talks to the male at her other side — the son of some merchant father has taken interest in doing business with. Where it had seemed a thing of beauty, it now looks a stain, smeared along by the wide of her smile. Her long, dark lashes bat and flutter, like he is not sitting here, beside her, watching on as she makes him into a cuckold for all in attendance to see.
Emile places his goblet down with a dull thud, wine sloshing over its rim, spilling from his hand and bleeding into the table covering below.
The batting and fluttering ceases at once. That garish smile falls away from her face as she deigns to look over at him, to remember he is still here.
Emile leans in, and Adonia shrinks down into herself.
Almost, her beauty overcomes him again. He does not let it this time, not even with her eyes big, round, desperate.
“Why stop at seeming the whore, Adonia?” he asks, his syllables soft and runny but his words sharp enough that he can delight in how they wound. “Why not bend over for him, too? You could do it right here. Spare us all the guesswork.”
Adonia keeps her mouth shut.
But at her back, on a nervous, pathetic laugh: “My lord, you misunderstand. The lady and I were o—”
Whatever more the fool thought to say is trapped behind the smoke now suffocating him.
“I do not recall inviting you to speak to me.”
Practically inaudible below the clamor being made, Adonia says, “Forgive me, my lord. It will not happen again.”
Emile knows she is only saying this to spare the cock she could have ensnared with her blush-pink, petal-soft ways. He waits until the room finally quiets to speak. It takes a good while, with the way he lets air slip into the male’s lungs here and there. But eventually, there is silence.
“No,” Emile says then, “I imagine it will not.”
#sabrina writes#ask#acotar#vanserra brothers#*adonia#*emile#*adile#he is truly so awful#he just thinks so little of her#nothing she could do would please him#because he takes offense in being mated to her at all#by not being of a better bloodline she proves to him that he is not worthy of being heir#she is a constant reminder#he hates her even as he craves her#and she just wants him to love her so bad#he wasn't even wrong when he was like 'she's desperate for me'#she was looking up at him just so hesitant and pleading and wanting because he was touching her gently#he is her mate; all she wants is for him to love her#she doesn't even need him to treat her kindly#she just wants any inkling that he loves her#and he never provides it#but if he ever did she would fold so fast. she would never talk to marius again. even though she actually loves him#i'm emo#thank you for asking for this#so truly i saw this come in and dropped everything i was doing
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thinking about how Ivan is so strict and tedious with his schedule because he probably likes having that one consistency and bit of control in his life
#alien stage#alnst ivan#alien stage ivan#alnst#am i reaching and projecting most likely but#hm..#he's like this with till too. another (unwilling halfhearted) constant in his life that he wouldnt like to lose#i think everyone in alien stage would be like this in their own way honestly#nobody really has anything to like own or something#even just having this much control would mean a lot to ivan i think#thats why he takes it so seriously#at least i hope he didnt come up with that god awful skehdule himself but i wouldnt be surprised#random brain vomit sorry crawls back to my cave and stares at patreon post like a lunatic
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hey guys anyone got any tips about ur close aroace friend who happens to be 3k miles away so very rarely is seen irl but when together irl you’re very close to and cuddle with and you feel so safe and comfy around them but then they text you about random guys they’re looking at on hinge and in that moment you literally wanna scream and rage and suddenly cannot stand any men because of this friend only just Looking at them on hinge and potentially hooking up with them
i am also aroace i am simply seeking answers i’ve been like this for almost a year i want a break but i simply show no signs of improvement .
#like we used to talk about our future together and how we’d flatshsre and live together#even talked about a civil partnership like#serious serious shit#and then they hooked up with a guy One time#and now it just feels like it’s all gone down the drain!#and is that because i started acting weird bc i was??? jealous??? sad????#but it feels hard to still be friends with them and i feel awful about that#but clearly to them sex is important and to me it is something i do not want!!!#so a relationship with me would not include it#and i Want a relationship i just#don’t think they do!#so i’m just in constant brain rot like#wtf do i do because i haven’t felt better about this the whole time#i. i am doubting tumblr to give me answers#it’s actually a long story and it is just.#it would take a lot more than this to have a proper answer#aroace#aromantic#asexual#aro#ace#actually aroace#lgbtq#aspec#asexuality#aromanticism
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Oh yeaaahh it's time for my top February watches! Didn't get in quite as many movies this month, so only two this time:


Excalibur (1981) dir. John Boorman The King Tide (2023) dir. Christian Sparkes
tagging @onpyre @amygdalae @admirably-abhorrent @lostcryptids and anyone else who wants to share good movies :3
#OF COURSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO <3#movies#film#excalibur 1981#the king tide#and I REALLY REALLY CAN'T RECOMMEND THE KING TIDE ENOUGH#what an incredible movie. what a masterful sense of constant pervasive dread. awful. wonderful.#i haven't got into the silt verses but i get the feeling that the silt heads would LOVE#really my top watch of february has been severance but that's not a movie. so
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working on scripting out my Mary backstory comic and. huh her friend group would make for a really good dnd team
#…and yes her friend group IS just her and pretty much all the other named (/implied) characters who she would have interacted with lol#sans amber and lee. who are also named and there but Mary’s not like. Close close friends with#but yeah yasser is like. the leader of the party n probably multiclasses lol. mostly combat + strategy but is kinda a jack of all trades#mary is the charisma guy. probably a warlock I think but probably a level or two in bard or cleric#lupe is wizard with a few levels in I think maybe mercy monk? which would undoubtedly be an AWFUL build to get right#cuz obviously monks are split between wis/dex/con as is and adding a wizard’s need for int would be kinda impractical in an actual#dnd game if you’re minmaxing#alternatively Lupe is an artificer with a focus on the more mental stats. or a paladin#yeah y’know what no matter what I think her role in a DnD game would be hard to pull off haha. rip#that’s probably why she died /j#and then Hank is an artificer with a focus mostly in dex con and cha in that order. has decent but very average stats overall#also it’s important to note that in this party Mary is the Token Straight. like hank is also straight tbh but he loves his nonbinary wife <#Mary is supportive but. constantly the embodiment of the ‘he’s a lil confused but he’s got the spirit’ meme lol#mary shaperaverse#shaperaverse#<- organizational tag if this shows up in the main tag uhm. hi am working on a Mary thing sry for the soon-to-be constant rambling!
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got accused of lying today and got so angry
#awful roommate#oh wow i tell you a trip that i mentioned once is cancelled?#MUST be lying to get an upper hand in the thermostat war#obviously there was never a trip#or maybe the trip wasn't cancelled?#i don't know what exactly she thinks i lied about and i don't care. why the hell would i lie to you#why would i bother with putting in the effort to lie to you#you mean less to me than the spider i shared my bathroom with for a week#at least it was never knowingly cruel to me. it jumpscared me a few times but that's not its fault#the constant... everything she does? i have mentioned 3 things i dislike to her and she regularly does all of them
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I don't know why exactly, but when I started writing that fic, I decided to sorta challenge myself a little by not allowing myself to use like, scene dividers? You know like
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^that, or like the horizontal lines on AO3 or whatever. I guess I thought it'd be neat to force myself to actually write out all the time passing, even if it's just like a single sentence, rather than just sorta skipping ahead.
And while I think it makes things read maybe a little awkward in a couple places, it's actually sorta really helped me get into the flow of writing in a way I was not expecting? I can't even explain why, just like...suddenly scenes that were only going to be there for transitioning between stuff become their own entire thing, and it's very exciting!!
#naturally this obviously doesn't apply to chapter breaks#thus why there are a couple of timeskips in there because. detailing an entire two largely uneventful weeks would be so incredibly boring.#it also just sorta lets me jump in and GO rather than having set places for scenes to start and stop (again chapter breaks excluded)#lea writes#idk man i'm up to over 46k words since the last week of march#and i continue to live in awe of myself and also constant fear that i'm going to lose that momentum any day now lolol#(but not for the next chapter at least which is basically already done. what who said that)
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I wonder if they think of me
#the way i think of them#every time i can't sleep theyre the only people i want to message or call or just.. hear from#every time something awful happens lately they're some of the only people i can think of that just... thinking about them cheers me up.#whenever something good or silly or fun or important or really pleasant or weird happens.. i want to tell them first and hear their#excited or happy or sweet or dumbfounded responses#when its late and im alone... i want to listen to their snoring... or feel my head against his chest but for longer than a hug this time#ive begun to be scared that im so full of love it physically repells my partners. i want to be good for them so bad that im rancid in#some way.#i want to be there beside each of them so badly that they pull back... and when i give them space? they dont seem to reach out to me first#i feel like im.. so far down the list. maybe just because they know ill be there so they dont idk. care to check in?#they've told me before that if im doing badly they trust/assume that i would tell them#i cant even get a paying-attention response to the positive news i give sometimes... let alone. what i feel like is. my constant bad news#i want to be good. i want to be positive and hopeful and trusting and optemistic and patient#i feel like such a “maybe” or an “eventually”. i feel replacable and every way theyve tried to explain that im not its just...#them describing me as something sooo special im either too much. or that they think im too fragile or too explosive. or that they want#to meet someone else or more people who make them feel like i do. like im just a collectable trinket they can catch more of when they#dont want me specifically around but someone who does as much for them as i might. or can make them feel as loved as i honestly do love them#and they deserve that.#they deserve more than just me#they both do#i am disabled and im dramatic and im terrified of living this way and i feel so lonely whenever im in any company but theirs#because i either dont know how to interact well wifh others. or when i do get along with someone... it ends up gettin really scary for me#really quickly.#met nice friends? turns out they were mid-drug-relapse and want my help getting sober#met people i had stuff in common with in adult only spaces?? turns out they were lying about half of the details about themselves to fit in#reconnected wifh kind old friends? one of them is belligerent and mean almost daily and they others arent comfortable being near that#open up to my family about my struggles? get told i should leave#ive vented before on this blog and others that tbh most of the time my main reason for not doing really impulsive bad things to/for myself#is my fiancé. he's my best friend and my motivation and my love and my family... and now i have a seocnd partner as well and I#feel similarly and really strongly about them as well
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That one fic with the sunrises and the heartbreaking descriptions of the six eyes also gave me the six eyes being eaten and really truly the real JJK could never live up to that for me
#Forever frustrated there's no more gore here it was so fitting and could have been so beautiful#Forever frustrated over no one other than Yuji eating questionable things after all that Cannibal Sukuna hype#And honestly forever frustrated no one ever ate Gojo or anything of his. It would have been such a good parallel with#And Gojo being turned into something like a cursed tool... I mean in a way a little bit that's what happened#But god I was so expecting? hoping? for someone to do something with his eyes the physicality of them#I think it would have said so much about the society and how it regards people and how cruel and utilitarian#and it drew home once again the similarities between sorcerers and curses and particularly between him and curses#Which is super interesting with how his birth meant a raise in cursed#The existence of boths is so linked so entwined it's difficult to differentiate between both#Gojo as a sort of curse. Enhanced again by his constant mentions to love and otherness and his conceptualisation of love in JJK0#But I'll shut up already before I ramble even more. Gojo is so good conceptually even beyond the infinity stuff#I love him so much. I hate how much. It frustrates me to no end#And someone should have cannibalised him or perhaps curse-tooled him#Sukuna's finger in that temple Tengen's remains in another and Gojo's eyes in a third#How awful#Also I wanted to see consequences for breaking binding vows. Gojo making them would have been interesting too#I saw a post once about how he lost because he didn't know how to cheat as well as Sukuna and I think about it all the time#Anyway... I spend too much time thinking about JJK and about what JJK didn't give me but kinda had as potential. I should move on already#I talk too much#GOJO WITH HIS BLOOD RUNNING DOWN HIS MOUTH BECAUSE HE ATE HIS OWN EYES ON SOMEONE ELSE#Wonderful imagery I think of CONSTANTLY#BINDING VOWS COME HERE YOU RUINED JJK#A good parallel with Sukuna and the curses in general* I don't know why I didn't notice writing too much in that one tag#Many typos but 🤷🏻♂️
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#three gigantic explosions went off RIGHT under my window in the past hour alone#every time it's so loud my body reacts with total panic like i've just been shot and i'm dying#my chest physically hurts. like i'm scared i might have a heart attack from this#sitting here in my living room feeling the least safe i've ever felt at home and so terrified i'm sobbing uncontrollably#it's just constant tension and fear and bracing myself for the next one#and it's barely 5 pm. this will probably continue until 3 or 4 in the morning at least. if not literally all night#this is fucking insane. it's never been this bad before. i genuinely don't know if my health can handle this#but i have nowhere to go. i'm so scared. i don't know what to do#can't even call the police because this shit is inexplicably legal???#i tried earplugs but it's so loud it makes zero difference. like imagine telling someone in a war zone to wear earplugs#jesus christ i can smell the gunpowder even from indoors#i'm so scared. this is horrible. i wish i could take some super strong drug to knock me out until tomorrow#but any drug strong enough to keep me unconscious through this shit would be strong enough that i wouldn't feel safe taking it at all#i saw my neighbor throw something out his window that i first thought was a firecracker?#but it fizzled and went out so maybe it was just a cigarette butt#but if i see someone in my building setting firecrackers off... i'm genuinely afraid of what i might do#like i'm scared i might fully lose it and go bang on their door and get in a physical altercation with them#i cannot emphasize how much i am in full fight-or-flight nothing-to-lose mode right now. and i can't flee. so that leaves only fighting#i might never get citizenship if i'm arrested for attacking somebody but even that thought isn't enough to hold me back rn#this is awful awful awful. i don't know what to do. how am i going to make it through this night? how is this shit not illegal?#i wish i could at least stop crying jfc this is horrible
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“You haven’t done that one quest? In all your time playing?” <- a friend or internet stranger
“That quest makes me feel bad” <- person who’s character has probably committed atrocities in one way or another (me)
#emma posts#this is it. this is how I play games#if I want to know about what happens when you do a quest that makes me feel bad I’ll just look it up online#I’m playing a fucking game. let me not feel awful for once#im not about to try being perfectly good because I know I would be bad at that too#two of my friends said that I can never play any character in a way that isn’t ‘chaotic good’ and said that’s the only dnd alignment#i would have irl#not even in an ‘I’m so cool and edgy’ way#they meant that in a ‘I don’t know what your internal standards are. they aren’t bad. but they are definitely not… lawful’#I’m not even totally sure how to describe what they were saying that night tbh#I don’t know how to say this without people thinking I’m edgy or pretentious or something#I’m just kinda frustrated that I am bad at playing an evil or lawful character#just to see what happens#I get two decisions in and I’m like ‘I’m not having fun right now. It’s just a constant fight against myself’#this is about when your character is an oc btw#things are sometimes a little different when the pc is already a whole ass character#‘necromancy is okay if they’re already dead but betraying your follower is bad’ mindset#I know a lot of people play this way. but they seem to be able to play not this way too?#I think that’s the heart of it#also I have been made increasingly aware of the fact that I might not totally understand what is average#in a lot of ways#I’m getting distracted though I think
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New Special Interest Unlocked!
Bookbinding.
I am just so deeply in awe of the history of books and how they were made throughout. It's such an interesting thing to just learn about because I'd always loved books, but I had never given the process of creating one just ANY thought. I'm fascinated.
...Brb gonna stock up on material so I can bind books of my own.
#asobispeaks#bookbinding#special interest#new special interest just dropped#i cannot begin to explain how in awe i am#so many tools#and techniques#just the sheer amount of trial and error#it's wonderful#as well as the experimentation with materials#and finding which ones simply#allowed for more decoration#cause leather covers#very cool#very soft#very easy to decorate#cloth though#not so much#it would get sticky with glue if it was the wrong kind#and it's just this constant process#of seraching for#and discovering#how to make them prettier each time#that's such a wonderful thought#humans just really love pretty things dont we#a quote that stood out to me#that I never thought about#is that books are machines#they are devices#with the purpose to protect
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#frankly I am rly suspicious about how much attention this genocide is getting IN AN ELECTION YEAR#and I am not downplaying the atrocities! they are atrocities!#but I am also willing to bet most people in the us did not know or care that the us funds israel#this conflict has been going on for 75 years and suddenly it is forefront of everyone's minds all the time#and yeah it got worse this year! again they are ATROCITIES#but also there have are always atrocities and they never get this kind of attention#even the blm protests stopped getting covered eventually#there are no college campus protests about all the things the cia has straight up admitted to are there?#there is no ongoing coverage of any other refugees or any other genocides or the oil situation#nobody is out here going 'we can't vote for the dems bc that's basically supporting pipelines thru indigenous lands'#or 'bc that's basically supporting the way the admin just gave up on protecting us against covid'#now I'm not saying I think hamas was backed by russia or anything#but I DO think that some folks who have a vested interest in a trump presidency have been helping keep this top of everyone's mind#it's just far too convenient that we have an issue that separates leftists from dems#that nobody can brush aside bc they sound like they're agreeing with genocide#and it's getting CONSTANT coverage for a YEAR#IN AN ELECTION YEAR#do you remember in 2016 when people were like 'a woman sure but not THAT woman'#and a vote for the dems was a vote for every awful thing the clintons had ever supported#and then it turned out tumblr had been full of election interference plants#does anyone remember that??#anyway russia would be stupid NOT to take advantage of how easy it is to upset people about this
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ill say it though its a hostile climate on here. sometimes the person who's so anxious about being cheated on that they'll treat their partner w constant suspicion & insecurity, even when it doesn't cross the line into demanding access to their phone or invading their privacy, is creating a toxic environment that no amount of understanding or emotional maturity can diffuse & if they get cheated on my sympathy will be with the cheater on that one. Like thats unlivable. Sorry about your trauma but genuinely how can you expect anyone to live like this.
#was not in that situation but saw a friend who was and like#i could not deal with it. its a situation in which the partner who's at the receiving end will not have proper grounds to identify where#the toxicity is coming from. you'll feel like ah poor them they were cheated on before. i'll reassure them. cue 6 months later when no#amount of reassuring has done anything bc its not a type of anxiety that can be solved by being indulged in#& you live in a constant state of feeling like you might to something awful at any second bc thats how your partner treats you#how do you have any intimacy with that person? how do you have any trust?#if someone comes along & just values you & makes you feel attractive#idk how many people would be able to break up with their partner before just falling into bed w them. just to feel wanted & valuable#in someone's eyes for like a second. to feel like they have agency over their lives & aren't just in a prison where they have to watch their#step every second#like the anxious partner isn't even being a bad person in this situation#& they don't deserve it#at the same time how can you not empathize with the cheater?? who would know to do anything else in this situation?
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god this news coming out of sydney is unnerving. my parents were walking by that mall only a week ago.
#fucking awful awful stuff i hope everyone in hospital recovers esp the small child mentioned this is awful#tw: stabbing#tw: violence#<<< not explicitly stated but like. people would infer what im talking about#its been on constant broadcast on sky news for a good few hours now
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